Retard Capsules

I'm in Amsterdam!! And I love it! The train ride from Bruges was ok... a bit boring. There was not much to admire. But oh well! I was on my way to Amsterdam! I stepped out of the train station into a zoo. Friday afternoon in amsterdam is a busy time indeed, and it was a bit of an assault on the senses. But I found my tram without much ado and got off at Leidseplein. I found my hostel, walked in, and .... oh shit... I'm high. The smoke was thick and pervasive! So, I dumped my bags and headed for the bar. I met Jasper, a cute little Dutch boy, and he gave me lots of good info, including where to go to find my sandals! So, off I went! I found the store in a narrow, pedestrian only alley. And I finally bought my sandals!!! Yeaaaaa! So, glowing from my victory, I wandered the streets and canals for a bit. I found a pharmacy, and because I had this damn cold, I decided to see what medicine they had. I was hoping for Robitussin, but found Retard apsules instead! I laughed so hard! I almost boought it just for the package, but decided that would be silly! Retard Capsules.... very appropriate for amsterdam!!It was getting late in the day, so I headed over to the coffee shop that he had recommended. A bit hard to find, but worth it in the end! I bought some... coffee.... and felt very strange about it. That American fear of the police kicked in. Thankfully, it passed rather quickly. So, I did not want to enjoy my ... coffee.... alone - how sad would that be- so I headed back to the hostel. I sat at the bar and asked for a bowl. He gave it to me, but then he said, "You know, that's not how we smoke it here." I'm all about "Going Local" so I really enjoyedthe lessons in Dutch Rolling. Wow... it's like an art form here!!!! It took a weekend of practice, but I eventually was able to put together a functional Dutch Roll. I spent the entire evening hanging out and having a blast!

The next day, I got up early and headed over to the Anne Frank House. When i got there, the line was wrapped all the way around the block. Oy vey. So, I stood out front and reflected on the enormity of what was before me. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I had gone in, with all of those people pushing and shoving. So, I headed to the red Light District. The walk was nice! I found a really fun carnival that is a permanent fixture in Dam Square! How fun!! then, I found myself in the Red Light District. Hmmmmm.... kind of blah. The hooker sin the window were really just lounging there in their knickers, smoking cigarrettes and chatting on the cell phone. And there were all these gross old men coming out of the brothels. Ewwwww. So, I kept walking, and in the space of about 15 minutes, I got offered about 10 "jobs." Apparently, fat white american girlies are a hot commodity! I was also propositioned about every 50 ft by some nasty old fuck. I just kept walking, but this one black guy actually grabbed me and pulled me back to him. I yanked my arm free rather forcefully and was about to kick his ass. I suppose I had pure murder in my eyes because he turned and pretty much ran away. So, that was the end of the Red Light district for me. Lesson Learned: Never go into a Red Light District as a woman alone unless you are willing and prepared to handle any situation.

Well, in a snit from being man handled - ohhhh, I hate that - I stormed up to Waterloo Market which was very touristy. So, I meandered my way down to Albert Cuyp Market. Much more local! You could buy anything from fresh meat to shampoo! It was fun and lasted for probably 15 blocks?? I eventually made my way back to the hostel. There were these American girls in my room who had been in Spain studying abroad. Anyway, they decided that they were going to try 'shrooms for the first time ever. Now, in Amsterdam they are fresh and prepackaged, just like any other produce. I told them what to expect and said that they should take it very slow and only take a couple at a time. Well, they decided that since the package said 1 serving, they would just take them all. They refused to listen to me that one serving doesn't mean all at once!! So, they each ate an ENTIRE package of FRESH mushrooms ALL AT ONCE! And it was their first time and they did not have a trip sitter. Recipe for distater, and when I came back into the room about 4 hours later, they were huddled on the bunk bed. Apparently, they had kicked in while they were walking to the park and the bikes, people, trams, and smart cars.... well, it was sensory overload. They bugged out and ran back to the hotel. Hey, they were warned! Knowing that they were miserable, I coaxed them out and took them to the coffee shop. Nice and dark and comfortable. But the ... coffee.... was a bit too strong, esp. since they refused to mix it with tobacco. Oy vey. It was ridiculous, but I saw it many times that weekend from lots of people. Americans in particular. Get trashed as quickly as possible, instead of respecting and enjoying it. So, it was an interesting night!

The next morning, I ended up hanging out with this gay guy from California. We stopped by this cafe for lunch. Now, I REALLY wanted a cheeseburger and fries. But when I ordered, the waiter said, "No! You should try something ducth!" OK.... I could see the logic in that. So, I asked for a suggestion and he offered Beef Croquettes. Done, I'll try those. Oh god! They were NASTY! They were fried logs filled with this greyish ooze. Ugh!! But I was hungry, so I ate them anyway and got a good laugh! We then headed over to the Van Gogh museum. When we got there, we were shocked to discover that is cost 13 Euros to get in! So, I stood out front, threw my hands in the air, and said," Van Gogh, I love you. But, as a starving artist I simply cannot afford it. I had croquettes for lunch! I know you understand!" Yes, I'd had some ... coffee! So, after making the crowd laugh, we headed over to Vondel Park. OH WOW! Very cool! There were people EVERYWHERE, dogs off their leash, kids playing, juggling, performing, art, and so much more! It is how I imagine Haight - Asbury to have been like in the 60's! I spent the rest of the afternoon lounging and enjoying the park! My last night in amsterdam was pretty laid back.

So, I really enjoyed Amsterdam! Even without the drugs and sex, Amsterdam is a very cool place! Very artsy and creative, liberal, intellectual. It's fabulous and I will definitely go back someday! I met so many cool people! I could never live there, though. I'd be a 300 lb pothead lounging day in and day out in Vondel Park! But I would really enjoy being able to go a few times a year! Yea... Amsterdam is definitely in the running for my fav place thus far.....